Marriageology: The Art and Science of Staying Together – Belinda Luscombe

★ ★ ★ ★ ☆

‣ kind-of self-helpy

‣ relationship advice

‣ funny

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"We don't find soulmates. We become them."

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Several weeks ago, a friend of mine asked if I was reading anything in anticipation for marriage, and I wasn’t yet, but Marriage-ology was on my TBR. It isn’t my usual read. Even on the occasions when I do read non-fiction, “self-help” type books aren’t my jam. Maybe I’m getting old, but I really enjoyed this book. It has been a little over a year since my fiancé proposed, and exactly a year until our wedding. In the midst of our engagement, I feel like I know what I’m doing. I’ve got a handle on engagement. I’m comfortable in where our relationship is. Marriage, however, is an unknown, distant terrain.

Belinda makes it seem approachable. My marriage, from what it seems, will be an extension of what my relationship already is. Our early years will build our later years. It’s all pretty straight forward. And yet it seems so scary. Belinda uses honesty, about human nature, but specifically about her own marriage to make it approachable. She is honest about the moments that make us irritable and cranky, the habits that we’ll grow to hate. She uses examples from her own life and is frank about things like attraction and sex.

I love that she offers real advice about the things we can do to be better at communicating, understanding, and remembering why we love our partner. I finished the book with lots of notes and practical information that I can carry with me. My only negative comment would be that the book is very centered on heterosexual marriages, especially those with simple, nuclear families. Arguably, it makes sense that someone with a nuclear family, and in a heterosexual marriage, sharing her own experiences, would write mostly about that audience. It also seems to be the target of most research on marriage. If you’re getting married, are married, or would like to be married – I’d recommend this book.